Well... except for setting myself on fire for the 8th time; I had an interesting event. I had a meeting with my TRAC caseworker, TRAC being the people paying for my college. Apparently; I have changed since I started taking courses.
Apparently, I have mellowed a bit. Gotten a bit more laid back. More comfortable. Less at the ready to fight. Looking back; I have to admit that she was right. In the beginning, when I told her that if I didn't protect myself nobody would, I wqas completely serious and sincere. I'm not so sure anymore.
I dunno when it happened. Maybe when I pulled a fellow classmate aside and finally broke down. There haven't been too many people in my life that I could do that with. In my life if I wasn't the strong one me and/ or others got hurt. Therefore, no weakness was allowed to be shown, no matter how damaged I was.
Maybe it was when I almost jumped on this classmate for disrespecting me and I was pulled off by another. He spent 5-10 minutes calming me down and God knows how much longer behind the scenes just to peacemake. Not sure if that's a word; but, I do poetry and therefore I'm allowed to invent words.
Maybe it was when my toothache that started 3 days before my classes even started went beyond the tolerance point. After they got over the shock of dealing with the pain that long (about 2-3 weeks into class more or less) the painkillers were broken out left all around
I'm not sure when it happened. I didn't notice it until someone else did. Thinking honestly though; the phrase "If I don'ty protect myself; no one will." doesn't ring as true as it once did.
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